Are you as turned on by lawn gnomes as I am? I mean, at first I thought stealing lawn gnomes and taking them around the world with you was just a fun prank, but little did I know I was running off with a plastic fantastic lover. I mailed the usual polaroids to the owner, but soon I found I had a much larger photo collection for my private use. Sure, anyone would be sexy with a white beard and pointy hat, but when they're all short and tight like that, I just go weak in the knees. And that's when Mr. Gnome gets funky on my monkey.
